Angisnel Lara-Valdez
Lara-Valdez’s bio:
Angi Lara-Valdez wanted to understand if her hard-won resilience was worth the pain of her childhood trauma. This desire for answers is what has fueled her research. And now, being published by John Jay’s Finest and representing the Vertical Writing Program at the Expo has given Lara-Valdez new hope through the power and healing of telling her story
An except from Lara-Valdez’s essay, titled “Resilience and Regrets”:
Emotional scarring in the aftermath of intense traumatic events is almost inevitable. In a study titled “Childhood Trauma is Associated with Maladaptive Personality Traits” De Carvalho, et al correlates negative adult personality traits to childhood abuse and neglect. The researchers found that trauma—especially when experienced at a young age—has detrimental effects on identity development and often results in unhealthy coping mechanisms (2014).
“Long-lasting scars.” This is a term I use to describe the after-effects of my own traumatic events. Being consumed by guilt after eating a meal is my scar. No longer being able to step into a church is my scar. Waking up in the morning and bursting into tears because I don’t know if I’m myself is my scar. This isn’t to say I’m not more resilient now because of what I have endured. I am stronger than I’ve ever been. And, because of my search, I have, at least, finally found a few answers.
Although not everyone is able to build resilience as a result of the distress that comes with trauma, growth doesn’t always have to be so painful. So, why? Why couldn’t I have acquired the strength and wisdom I now have without hating myself in the process? I can’t imagine that I will ever be thankful for the unnecessary torment I have inflicted on myself.
As I sit here, I ask myself if I regret the suffering I’ve endured in order to become more resilient. But it’s question I have always known the answer to.
Yes, I do.
Read Lara Valdez’s full essay titled, “Resilience and Regrets” as published by John Jay’s Finest (pp. 15-18).